There she blows (Earned success--Tarot Blog Hop Imbolc 2020)

 PreviousBlog/ MasterList/ NextBlog

Hi everyone! Did you miss me? I thought not. But I am not going to let that keep me quiet.

So I have missed the last three Tarot Blog Hops. To catch you up on the going-ons on my end—because the events of the last two hundred days or so are still busy bleeding into all aspects of my life at the moment—I missed the Hops, due to the emotional turmoil generated by the response to the first edition of a book on Performing Public Wiccan Ritual and Community Growing, whose ended up being far worse than even I imagined in my darkest “happy little cynic” moments.

Basically, the response was the leadership of a local event, a Council that I had been a member of for seven years (and volunteering for even longer), decided that I was guilty of “elevating myself over others” along with charges of disrespect, conflict of interest, and not doing my community service in a proper manner. Those who are familiar to the ego conflicts that occult leadership generates, will not be surprised to learn that the Council downplayed these charges (which I consider their real problem with me) and chose to instead bully me over the fact that I did not give up performing pagan and magical ritual the instant that I found myself a medical marijuana patient—yes, there was many screams that I was opening up people to demonic possession simply by smoking That Demon Weed.

It will be no surprise to anyone who has faced similar situations that emotionally it carries all the emotional baggage that comes with getting a divorce. Sadly, I believe that the Council honestly thought driving me out of their event was going to make the book that they are upset about, disappear completely—are they in for a surprise, come April, my full defense will be published.

Yes, I know—I am an evil witch, and the Council was completely right to drive me from the community—after all, their many years of Community Service should give them a pass, given that theirs is a higher quality than the community service I perform.

Anyways, now that you are caught up—this particular Tarot Blog Hop builds upon the previous one that happened at Yule; the theme of which was “Gifts”—those things we find easy to do.
Today, we are focusing on those things that we have to work at, and work hard at to make come into fruition—the successes that we have to labor to accomplish.

At this point, I am going to cheat and just modify the spread that was suggested in December—exchanging the word “skill” for “gift.”

Card One: What gift am I ignoring in myself?
Card Two: How can I bring that gift forward more?
Card Three: What gift am I over-relying on?
Card Four: How can I ease up on that gift?
Card Five: What gift can I expect to develop next year?

[For those who are curious what my Gift spread would have looked like, I did it a couple of nights ago, so I could build on it. My cards were: Ignore—Magician; Revelation—Nine of Wands; Entrenched—Four of Pentacles; Dawning—Pope; In Development—Three of Pentacles. And yes, these cards and their energies, as well as the heartbreak I feel over losing my membership in a community event that was part of my support network for over twenty years, are bleeding through into today’s reading.]

I think that this is just a continuation of the previous Tarot reading. 

 
Now onto the reading . . .

Card one (What skill am I ignoring): The World—One of the things that cropped up during the writing of the Public Ritual book was my feeling that I am an occult fraud, that my training and lineage is somehow deficient compared to other esoteric teachers. And this feelings persists, despite the fact that I have trained over the years with some of the best teachers that the Denver community could offer, experienced hundreds of rituals (both as an audience member and a performer), and have written and performed three dozen public Wiccan rituals.

Card two (how can I bring this skill forward more): Eight of Cups—Hey, I told you that the events of the last few months were affecting my universe. One of the things that my wife, Khari, has said about the nuclear meltdown that enveloped both of our universes is that I had outgrown the Council and their event, that I made them jealous with my little project, hence the jealousy and their need to get rid of me. Khari also thinks that the Council did me a favor, allowing me to be free of the restrictions that I was placing on my book, trying not to upset the other members of the Council. So there is probably no avoiding the consequences of my “expulsion”* which includes me having to rely on my own authority without the aid of any outside group to prop it up.

[* Okay, technically I resigned, but given their argument that my “new” medical marijuana status (three years and counting—so not so new, is it) automatically meant that I was now ministering from an “Empty Cup” position, and my emotional reaction to watching the Council dog-pile me for a trumped up charge rather than be honest about hating the book that I wrote, was there any other possible response?]

Card three (what skill am I over-relying on): King of Cups—Oh yes, I have been a horrible person lately, full of vinegar and piss, and quite disgusted with how the Council chose to deal with their instant dislike of my little book. I have done a lot of screaming—in a literary sense—the depression and doubt that the Council’s actions triggered in me ended up devouring all my mental bandwidth. My anger and disappointment was only matched by the little voice that kept whispering in my head, “You are a complete fraud and pure evil, and the Council was a hundred percent right to kick you out of the community.” Not exactly the type of thought that helps one continue to write in a productive manner. In the end, I realized that I was spending all my energies actually defending the actions of the Council—yikes! I so need to close that chapter of my life—well provided that medical marijuana patients can also be Wiccans—and move the fuck on.

Card four (how can I ease off of this overused skill): Queen of Pentacles—Like the energies of card two, the energies of this card are already in the mix, and the initiating event has already happened. A couple of years ago, when my wife and I got our sidewalk replaced and a new wooden fence put in, we started to do what I call “Occult Garden Parties”—“partying with successful writers, artists, and witches.” And because I was still a Council member, I felt uneasy incorporating some of the things that my wife wanted to include in the event—mainly Wiccan ritual. (And before you ask, yes, my wife is also a medical marijuana patient—someone call the Occult Police!) Now, there is no excuse (other than I am an evil medical marijuana patient) not to include a bit of ritual, alongside the drumming and conversation over BBQ that we started the event off with. Ironically, some of the policy changes that the Council decided on (no more fun rituals and the Council doing a greater percent of rituals, so that they are “proper Wiccan rituals”) just open the door to me being able to brand my event the way I originally doing it—as a replacement for the community drumming and pagan gathering that a friend of mine used to do before she moved to Maine. (This version of the card looks somewhat like my friend, Cassandra.)

Card five (what skill can I expect to develop this year): Magician—And with this card, we come full circle, for it was the card that I pulled for the first card of December’s Tarot spread. I think that it is pretty clear that what I am going to develop over the coming year is More Confidence in my own authority. I just have to stay alive and to continue working (both as a writer and an event organizer). Once again, I have to consider that maybe the best thing that could have happened was for me to sever ties with the Council, allowing myself to grow as writer, esoteric teacher, and minister.

I hope that everyone else is having a more enjoyable year than I have been experiencing over the last seven months or so. See you at the next Tarot Blog Hop.

PreviousBlog/ MasterList/ NextBlog